Hard to believe the first Saw movie was only released in 2004, with one of the main players in the genre Hostel being released a year later, and now here we are 6 years and 7 movies, a comic book and a video game later and it’s still going strong. Being released in 3D this weekend, (I can’t wait for 4D)Saw 7 promises nothing…but gore covered horrendousness.So, instead of grimacing, and feeling ill watching a movie, here’s some alternatives for Halloween.
(But if you want to buy the scary clown mask for Halloween or even a Saw Doll, here’s the page to visit.
HEE – SAW
Nobody saw the Scary Movie films, but they did have one good and remotely funny moment, with Shaq O’Neill and Dr. Phil, and here it is.
EU – SAW
In a week where Europe is trying to sort out the horror show that is the financial crisis, where everyone is pretending they know exactly what’s going on. It’s like the house is burning down and the Firemen are talking about formiulating a plan for maximum water distribution at some point in the future. Put Out The Fire Now, You Fools. You can play MATCH THE MONSTER, where you look at a leader and get points for matching the Halloween Costume they’ll be wearing this Sunday.
In the picture combination there’s a choice of Berlusconi, Cameron and Merkel and three horrors that could be any of their lovechildren, Chucky, Saw and Freddie Kreuger.
Sarkozy would obviously go as himself
SAW SOMETHING ELSE
Alternative Halloween Films
1.Anything Meg Ryan did in the last few years. In the Cut…yeah, that should scare the bejaysus out of you.
2.Teen Wolf – It’s the cutest wolf ever.
3.The Kids Are Alright – not because it’s scary or bad, but because this couldn’t be any different to Saw 7. A film with Annette Benning and Julianne Moore as lesbian moms to kids who want to meet their spermdonor dad, who turns out to be the Incredible Hulk Mark Ruffalo, and it’s meant to be laughs and Oscars all round. Like I said, could it be any different?
SAW – DUST
It’s hard to get a good scary book these days as we’re so used to reading the Newspapers. But here’s some reads. (Blow the dust of the books, running out of Saw –isms)
The Bible – There’s Zombies and Angels and Devils and everything. If the Bible were written today, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John would have released it as a Graphic Novel. As it is, we’ll just have to do with R. Crumbs Book of Genesis
The Passage by Justin Cronin – Officially, it’s less a horror, and more of a vampire post apocalyptic thriller, but it’s the nearest I’ve been to being jumpy while reading a book in a long time and was compared to Stephen Kings, The Stand.
Speaking of the man, he is still surprisingly prolific, even after having been knocked sideways by a Man in a Van. Find an old copy of Misery or even the Shining, or anything he wrote back in the day. Class.
Every Dead Thing – John Connolly – The start of this supernatural Detective Charlie Parker Series. It’s like the John Grisham of crime/horror. Take that either way you’d like, but I’ve read every one of them. Addictive, like horror smarties. I nearly met the author once at a party in a brewery. But it was a party in a brewery. I had other things to be doing.
Ok, so if you’ve a console, you’ve probably had your share of Resident Evil and Zombies. But what about the more cerebral games. Silent Hill will scare the creaking floorboards bejaysus out of you. F.E.A.R. attempts to instil exactly that, one of the most atmospheric, First Person Shooters, or FPS as I must properly call it. A game almost too scary to play. But this year saw Heavy Rain, with its multiple endings depending on the characters choices in the investigation of a serial killer called the origami killer, who’s next victim is his son. Some say it was the film noir of games. So it didn’t sell that well.
So, for the afternoon, why not just shoot some zombies then. In an atmospheric zombie brawler of a little game.